Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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