yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
