3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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