My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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