i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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