U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
