I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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