if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I wish there were birth control emojis
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
