I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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