i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
