I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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