Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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