Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
