Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
