We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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