I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
