Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This baby is an asshole
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
