I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
