As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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