we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
