So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
