Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
