I could make wine with my vomit
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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