dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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