the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
