All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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