if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
