Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
