Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
