I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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