Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
