I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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