Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
MIDGETS
????
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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