speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
