you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
