Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
