I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
