you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
