If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
