my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
