): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
