this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
