its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
