Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
