Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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