Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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