I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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