I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
its liver damage thursday
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
