the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
