Duck Duck Cougar?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
