hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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