I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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