it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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