don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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