My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
