im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
