if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
