Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
