Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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