I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
