Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
