While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
