Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
