READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
