Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
