He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
