I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dear god my vagina.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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