Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
