i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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