yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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