I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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