im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
