wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
