Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
