I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
