I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize