is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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