I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
