if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
