honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
