Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
