I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we made out on top of his cat.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
