Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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