I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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