He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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