at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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