While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
